How To Get A Girl's Phone Number Without Asking Her
Getting a girl's phone numbers isn't as scary or difficult as you make it out to be, because it's not some stressful event that makes or breaks your day. Furthermore, you're not approaching a CEO for a job or a big-name celebrity for an autograph and hoping for the best.
You're simply asking another human being if she wants to stay in touch. It doesn't get any more complicated than that. What could possibly go wrong? She can agree and go along with it, or she can say "no." To make matters worse, she can say "yes" and then disappear.
It happens to every guy at some point, even if she appears to be really into you and it's a home run. What to do when she doesn't answer, respond, call, or text back is a whole different story.
When obtaining her phone number, keep the following five points in mind:
- Your mindset
- Your composure
- Your body language
- Your eye contact
- Your voice tone
You don't have to be perfect to get phone numbers, but you should at least know what you're doing. The more phone numbers you acquire, the better you will become at these tasks and the more successful you will become without even thinking about it.
1. Do Not Lie, Deceive, Manipulate, or Disguise Your Intentions to Obtain Her Phone Number.
Obtaining her phone number in order to contact her for "something else" and then attempting to weasel your way into her life is one of the most wussy, manipulative, and deceitful things you can do. It's strange and rarely works unless you're certain she's into you.
Even if she's into you, she's aware of what you're doing in the back of her mind. This is something I've seen a LOT of. Especially when it's salesmen who think she's hot but are too shy to say so. It happened a lot to the women I've dated. A salesman or representative would try to obtained her contact information in order to "reach out," and then, predictably, disguised his first few texts by discussing the product or service or thanking her for visiting the store. He was fishing for information, communicating on a personal level, asking if she was single, and inviting her out before you knew it.
Women are aware of this trick and anticipate it. She knows a thing or two because she's seen a thing or two, just like Farmer's Insurance. Also, never, ever get her phone number from a friend and then surprise her with calls or texts.
If you're interested and want to get to know her, simply locate your balls and approach her. Being open about it makes it ten times easier.
2. Mindset - “It's Not Such a Big Deal”
One of the biggest secrets to getting a girl phone numbers is to not make it a major event in your mind. It's a simple event like asking the girl behind the counter for more ketchup packets. You don't have enough going on in your life if you're still thinking about it 6 hours later and it consumes you. Make yourself a more interesting person who doesn't dwell on insignificant events. Set more goals for yourself that will divert your attention away from mediocre circumstances.
When the thought of getting her phone number occurs to me while speaking with her, I tell myself, "Not a big deal. Simply get it and move on.” It happens on its own.
Getting her phone number is the simple part. Following up with her can be difficult and necessitate a more strategic plan of action.
So, the next time you're about to go for it, remind yourself, "It's not that big of a deal." We're just exchanging contact information.”
3. Body Language – Be Aware of What It Is Saying
A lack of awareness of how you stand, sit, and so on leads to a lack of awareness of why she did not give you her phone number.
When I’m interacting with women:
- I stand or sit pretty still. The more fidgety you are, the less in control you appear to be. Keeping your body still but moving your hands and head a little bit gives you the appearance of power, strength, and control. For women, this is a huge turn-on.
- If I’m standing, I stand up straight. Not too straight, because that makes it appear as if I'm consciously trying too hard. I maintain a straight and relaxed back. I don't sway or shift my weight from my heels to my tippy-toes. My feet are firmly planted on the ground, but my legs are relaxed. Never stiffen or lock your legs.
- Feet should be spaced apart but not too far apart. Too much space between you and her draws her attention away from you. Take up some space with your feet, but don't be strange about it. Taking up space is appealing and conveys that you are a dominant individual.
- Hands in pockets are acceptable when you are relaxed, making good eye contact, and engaged, but they are unacceptable when you are tense, making poor eye contact, and nervous.
- I don't move my hands a lot because it's distracting, it shows you're overthinking, or you're trying too hard to appear smart or sophisticated. It can appear lame, silly, and douchy.
- I don't cross my arms because it's an uneasy, defensive, and uninteresting gesture. My hands are either at my sides or in my pockets. If you stand up straight and keep your back straight, it looks fine.
- I take a slight step AWAY from her. It exposes more of my hips and crotch area while not making me appear overly interested in her. Consider high-status men and bad boys: their hips are not pulled away from people, but are open and exposed. It's a commanding posture that conveys your confidence. I only lean in when I'm saying something amusing and want to make better eye contact, or when I'm saying something important that necessitates more of her attention. Too much leaning in indicates far too much interest, and you don't want her to think she owns you.
- If I'm sitting, I lean AWAY and sit still if my legs are crossed, which is almost never, but if you're a guy who crosses his legs, there's nothing wrong with that if you're a pretty masculine dude. If my legs are uncrossed, as they usually are, I separate my knees and make room. Not like I'm about to give birth or a chick nonverbally inviting dudes to bang me, but just enough to look masculine and at ease. I'm thinking about propping my arms up on some chairs to take up even more space. Who appears to be in more command? Is it the guy with his knees together, as if he's afraid, or the guy with his knees apart, as if he owns the place? Yes, exactly. Women are noticing the same thing.
The better your body language, the more likely it is that women will give you their phone number.
4. Voice Tone – Be Confident in Yourself
How do you sound when you know what you're talking about and the person you're talking to poses no threat to you? How does your voice sound? How do you express yourself? It's probably calm and relaxed because you're not concerned with what other people think. How do you sound and speak when you're completely at ease and unconcerned about anything? Most likely the same. When talking to women and getting phone numbers, use that voice tone.
The more relaxed and confident you are, the more effective your voice tone is. The calm and confident voice tone of a man who’s sure of what he’s doing is ten times more effective than the soft, girly, high-strung, excited, and “fun” tone. You should be the fun guy who gets attention because you’re a little bit insecure? Great. Just don’t sound like it.
Your voice shouldn’t be high-pitched, you shouldn’t be yelling, and you definitely shouldn’t lean backwards and laugh at the sky while saying, "Me too!" Oh my goodness! That is incredible! “Congratulations!” You don't need to speak as someone else. Just somewhere in the middle where you sound like a normal, relaxed guy who is confident in himself.
Voice tone, like everything else, is an indicator of your mental state. You want to appear in control of yourself no matter what is happening and not the guy who is easily rattled and flips out over little events. Your voice conveys either strength or weakness. A strong, confident, and consistent tone of voice will never steer you wrong.
Don't soften your voice to make yourself sound nicer. Don't raise your pitch to sound more secure. Simply relax and speak as if you're ordering a cheeseburger and it's not a big deal.
Again, the more at ease you are, the more at ease she will be.
5. Avoid “Asking” for Her Phone Number
In my opinion, “asking” for her phone number, as in, “Can I have your phone number?” is the riskiest way to obtain it. Although having the right voice tone, eye contact, body language, composure, and mindset increases your chances of success when asking, it is still riskier than the other methods and options.
Asking a "YES' or 'NO' question leaves the door wide open for rejection and provides too easy of an out for her. Furthermore, because “asking” is the most common way for guys to get her phone number, she has become immune to it and has developed a knee-jerk reaction or “response” to it. She's become numb to it after seeing and hearing it so many times. She can even sense it about to happen before you even ask because she’s become so good at recognizing the behavior patterns!
Women are more attracted to men who do not seek permission or validation. They tell people what they want rather than asking if it is "OK" to do or have something. "Here's what I want," they say. Either you like it or you don't, but I'm not going to put myself below you to get it.” It's done in a self-assured and confident tone. Holding a woman's hand or kissing her is a simple example of this.
Personally, I never ask. I just do it and let it happen. If I grab her hand and she asks what I'm doing, I'll tell her, "I'm holding your hand." If I kiss her unexpectedly and she asks, "Oh, we're doing this now?" "Yup," I'll say. Or, if she asks, I'll tell her, "Because I wanted to." There’s no asking permission or getting validation. Asking her permission causes strange and uncomfortable situations. Let me just add that if it's obvious that you're crossing a line or if she makes it clear that she doesn't want you touching her, then stop, pull back, and be cool. In no way do I ever take advantage or women or do anything against their will.
Women at all times admire strong leadership from men that are confident. They want you to be a leader who knows what you want, what you're doing, where you're going, and how you're going to get there. The more questions you can remove from the equation, the more confidence and trust they have in you.
“Asking” for her phone number can give the impression that you are unsure of your own worth. You don't see yourself as equal to her, and it's possible you think she's a little better than you. That's not what she wants. She wants you to be self-assured and confident about it so she can feel good about it.
6. Tell Her You Want Her Phone Number.
Instead of asking for her phone number, it’s faster, easier, and more effective to casually command her to give you her number. Not in a commanding, demanding, or shady manner, but in a confident manner that communicates, "It's OK. This is totally normal.” In a way that still gives her the option to say "no" while not putting her under pressure. She withdraws and disconnects as a result of the pressure. That's not what you want.
Consider how a big-time and busy CEO handles wanting to learn more about a business idea, product, proposition, or person but having to wait until later. He simply states the obvious. “Give me your contact information, and I'll get back to you.” He doesn't overthink things. He doesn't "ask" the person if it's okay to contact them again. He knows he'll be in touch with that person, so he tells them to give him their contact information without thinking about it. Consider how little effort is required for that. That should be the same amount of energy it takes you to ask that lovely lady in front of you for her phone number. Turn off your mind and simply do it. Maintain brevity. Maintain your focus. Remove all traces of emotion from the situation.
- “Hey Lizzy, nice meeting you and talking to you. Let me get your number and we’ll stay in touch.”
- “Hey Jane. Sorry to cut this short but I have to get going. Give me your number and let’s continue this later on tonight or tomorrow.”
Commands show that you know what you're doing and that you're comfortable in charge and taking the lead. Commands show her that you are not afraid to go after what you want. They don't frighten her or make her flee. She will not yell at you and say, "Don't tell me what to do!"
7. Give Her YOUR Phone Number
This one requires larger balls, but it's my favorite because it tells me if I'm wasting my time. If you dislike wasting your time and energy on people who aren't as interested in you as you are in them, this will work for you.
Giving her your phone number rather than asking for it or telling her to give you hers shows that you are self-assured and unafraid of rejection. That you believe she will follow up with you. It also implies that you are taking all of the risk, communicating that you are the prize, and are aware that she may not call if she is not in the mood. That level of bravery impresses women.
Giving her YOUR phone number sends the right signals. It expresses:
- You’re not needy
- You’re unafraid of rejection
- A high sense of self-worth and value
- A healthy relationship with yourself
With this method, your mindset should be, "It's not a big deal if she doesn't call." It means she wasn't really into me, and I'd have been wasting my time anyway.”
Giving her your phone number rather than obtaining hers saves you time, energy, and effort. If she doesn't call, you're not wasting time contacting women who aren't interested.
Methods for doing so are as follows:
- “I'm sorry for cutting you off, but I have to get going.” Take my number and we'll talk later.”
- “Hey, I've got to get going. Allow me to enter my phone number into your phone, and you can text or call me later if you want.”
- “Hey, where did you put your phone? Put my phone number in there so we can stay in touch.”
It's crucial you remember this:
- Don’t ASK if she wants to take your number.
- Don’t ask for permission to give her your number. Just give it to her.
- Don’t write your name and number down unless it’s absolutely necessary.
- Don’t call your phone from hers unless she knows you’re doing it.
- Don’t write your name and number down and drop it on her desk or hand it to her as you pass by. You’re not in middle school anymore. She’ll be like, “Who does that?” It’s out of style.
If she refuses, which is unusual:
- Be cool and indifferent.
- Don’t get upset.
- Walk away like it never happened. Do not look back.
When you give her your phone number, it's very common for her to respond with, "OK. I'll call you so you can get yours, too.” It shouldn't come as a surprise.
8. Say “Let’s Exchange Numbers”
I also like this method because, when done correctly, it is emotionally detached and does not make her feel uncomfortable. It won't work if you're too excited about it, smiling and acting strange and cheesy. Like everything else, be relaxed, casual, and nonchalant. It's as if it's not a big deal.
When you're about to leave or saying goodbye, say casually, "Hey, before I go, let's exchange numbers." Don’t explain yourself. Don't say, "If it's all right with you..." Simply state it and wait for a response.
9. Say “Text Me”
If you prefer texting to talking, simply say, "Gotta go." Send me a text.” If she has half a brain, she'll probably ask for your phone number.
You must have no doubt that she will text you, and you must not say it in the form of a question. It will appear that you are unsure or seeking permission. As if you were telling a family member or friend to text you. It's as if it's not a big deal. If she's taking too long, give her your phone and say, "Here. What is your phone number? I'll send you a text message.”
As soon as you get it, walk away and send a text that says, “It’s _____. Save my number.” If you want to be funny and make her laugh, tell her to “Save it under ‘Awesome dude I just met’ or ‘Man of my dreams'” but only if you’re an actual funny guy. If you struggle to be funny, don’t do it.
10. Know When to Walk Away
Finally, you don't want to be involved with women who lie and manipulate others. You probably don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is willing to lie and bullshit you in front of you when they don't even know you. Their lack of integrity and respect for others is already on display.
Personally, I'm done the moment I detect deception or nonsense. It indicates a structural crack. I refuse to waste my time on impolite, bad-mannered, and disrespectful women. If she doesn't think you're valuable or worth her time, that's fine; just don't waste your time lowering your status and trying to prove yourself to someone who doesn't want you. Let it go. There is no shortage of women who are better for you.
When you ask for a woman's phone number, she will make the following excuses:
- “I’d love to but I don’t have a phone.”
- “My phone broke. Sorry.”
- “Let me have yours instead.”
- “I would but I’m moving. Sorry!”
If she appears to be lying to you or playing games, simply say "OK" and WALK AWAY. Don't take it personally. Don't waste your time writing down your phone number for her and crossing your fingers that she calls. She will not. Never act in a desperate manner.
As you’ll learn in How To Talk To The Woman Of Your Dreams, many women are excuse experts when it comes to getting men they aren’t interested in to go away.
Simply move on if you suspect she's making up excuses, lying, or blowing you off. Don't let your pride and ego get in the way of it. Don't take it personally.
Share this article with friends that really needs this information to help them succeed in getting a girl phone number and asking her out.
Thanks for reading.
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