21 Key Tactics The Pros Use For Getting A Girlfriend
If you’re single and longing for connection, then you’re probably asking yourself this question.
Of course you might’ve given up, or settled into the comfort zone of being single and lonely. In that case, you may be thinking to yourself, "Nah, I don't need a girlfriend." I'm not interested in any of that.
But, if you're completely honest with yourself, you have a deep desire and need to connect with someone. We are all guilty of it.
Even if you are able to put yourself out there and date women, you will eventually want more than casual dates.
I remember having some success when I was learning how to talk to women and practicing all the "pickup artist" stuff.
I was able to talk to women, obtain their contact information, and sleep with them. But after a while, I realized it wasn't what I really wanted. It was more about boosting my ego and self-esteem by receiving a lot of female validation. That's fine — it's all part of the process, and it might be something you need to do as well, just like I did.
But, after a while, it stopped feeling so good. Sleeping with someone you don't know well or with whom you don't have a strong connection has consequences.
That was not for me. I wanted to try something new.
I desired to awaken in a brightly lit room with crisp white sheets, next to a woman I adored. I wished I could wake up to her kissing her cheek and whispering in her ear. I wished we could spend hours in bed talking, laughing, and making love.
I wanted to love her and have her love me back.
That's what I wanted, and I believe you do, too, on some level.
So here's the question...
How do you make this happen in your life? What is the best way to get a girlfriend?
How To Get A Girlfriend - The Ultimate Guide To Make Her Want You
1 - It all begins with you.
Before you can get a girlfriend, you must first man up and be self-assured. So develop your personality and overall image to be the man she wants to see. Here are some ideas to get you started:
- Get involved in your area of interest.
- Do what you enjoy and travel to learn about new cultures.
- Put yourself out there and try new things.
2 - Decide What You Want
The second step in getting a girlfriend is to figure out exactly what you want.
According to Tony Robbins, a mentor and teacher of mine, clarity is power. The clearer you can become, the more power you will have to make things happen in your life. It can be difficult to find a girlfriend who is a good fit for you if you don't have that clarity.
I wasted years trying to figure out what I really wanted in a girlfriend. I knew I wanted a beautiful woman because, well, that's what we're taught to want. Furthermore, the hotter she was, the better it made me look. But other than that, I had no idea.
Determining what you want in a partner is a part of getting clear on what you want. What types of things do you enjoy? What are your pet peeves?
How did you find out about this? The quickest way to accomplish this is to go out and date women. Several different women. Don't sit around telling yourself, "My soul mate is out there, and all I have to do is wait for her to come to me." We'll magically find each other, and it'll be incredible.
That will not work!
Even if you find the perfect match for you, if you aren't stretching yourself and taking the necessary risks to meet and date women, you will sabotage it.
You would avoid talking to her because you are afraid of being rejected, or you would be stilted and awkward because you are seeking her approval.
You must practice this stuff, take risks, and meet and date a variety of women. Only then will you become more at ease with women and realize what you truly desire in a girlfriend.
After dating women solely for their looks (and being relatively dissatisfied), I began to investigate what I truly desired. I realized I prefer to be honest and open about how I was feeling.
I wanted a woman who could express herself and listen to mine. I desired a high level of openness and honesty from my partner. I was looking for a woman who was self-aware and capable of expressing herself.
What qualities do you seek in a woman?
I was speaking with my brilliant brother the other night. He is a lawyer who has always been interested in education, history, and politics. If I'm the emotional one, he's the intellectual one.
He was telling me about a date he had the other night with a woman who was a little younger than him. “Jessica, she's beautiful and everything, but...” he said. I'm just not into her.”
When I asked him why, he said he was too embarrassed to say anything. That didn't stop me from asking again.
“Well, I feel bad saying this, but the truth is that talking with her isn't all that interesting. She's just not intellectually stimulating. I don't want to come across as arrogant, but that's how I feel.”
He felt bad about it, but there's nothing wrong with admitting that to yourself. It's okay to be dissatisfied, to feel like something is missing, and to want more. This is a part of the selection procedure.
Just because she's nice and attractive doesn't mean you'll fall in love with her or want her to be your girlfriend. There is a lot more to it than that!
“It's Critical To Figure Out What Kinds Of Things You Want In A Relationship.”
Whatever your interests are, you want a woman who can share them with you.
- Take five minutes and write down everything you want in a girlfriend on a piece of paper.
Describe how you want her to look, what she'd be interested in, what kinds of things you'd do together, and how she'd treat you. Make a list of everything you want in a girlfriend and be very specific about it.
Make a list of what you absolutely do not want in a girlfriend. It's pointless to get everything you want while also getting a lot of problems. Make a list of the things that are a deal breaker for you.
For example, I am not a heavy drinker. I rarely go to bars and only drink alcohol three or four times a year, if at all. So a party girl who goes to bars from Thursday to Sunday isn't going to be a good match for me. That's going on my "don't want" list.
Here's the most important thing to remember once you've finished this list. The following factors will determine whether or not you get your dream girl.
It's that critical... It is the following query:
Who do I have to be to attract a woman like this into my life?
How should you present yourself in the world if you want to attract a funny, sweet, intelligent, and beautiful woman to be your girlfriend? What kind of man are you supposed to be?
If you want a woman like that but say, "I don't want to do anything, take any risks, develop myself, or do anything other than play video games in my mom's basement," how can you expect her to be attracted to you?
No, in order to attract an amazing woman, you must be your full amazing self.
- You should be pursuing your passions, interests, and hobbies.
- You must be doing the work that you were born to do in the world.
- You must work on liberating yourself in order to be free to be who you truly are.
- You must push your boundaries, expand yourself, and be completely yourself.
Be Prepared to Say No
When you know what you want and don't want in a relationship, you are in the position of the selector. Instead of pursuing every single beautiful woman in the hopes that she will lavish you with her attention, you are picky about who you want to be your girlfriend.
This includes the ability to say "no," reject, and break up with women.
This can be difficult, and many guys will avoid it out of fear of being mean or hurting her feelings.
A client once told me that he had been in a relationship for two years, but after six months, he knew he didn't want to be with her. It took him another year and a half to finally end his relationship with her.
The truth is that this process isn't about taking care of her and doing things that aren't good for you just to keep her happy.
You can be respectful by breaking up in a clear, direct manner (rather than avoiding her phone calls or otherwise disappearing like a thief in the night), but you are not obligated to shield her from all disappointment and hurt. That is not your problem.
You must be willing and able to be straightforward and say, "I enjoyed spending time with you, but I'm just not feeling that spark." You're an incredible person, and I wish you the best!”
I know it's painful, but it's similar to removing a band-aid. The longer you wait, the worse your mental state becomes. The more you avoid it, the harder it becomes and the more difficult it becomes to complete.
Rip off the band-aid — be direct and able to say "no." It's better for you and for her in the long run (who wants to be with someone who is only with you because they don't want to hurt your feelings?.)
3 - Go outside and look for females
The next thing you should do is step outside of your house. You're not going to find a girlfriend in the four corners of your house. Go to the girls' location.
Keep an eye out for places where women congregate. There are girls all over the place.
Increase your network. Meeting new people at social gatherings and events immediately broadens your network. Sign up for gym or club memberships, as well as classes that are related to your interests. You could also change up your usual haunts. Perhaps you should try a different grocery store. You could also go solo, which is a great way to meet new people.
Always be prepared, no matter where you are. Always be ready to flirt, no matter where you are. That means you should always put on a presentable appearance when going outside. When you see a woman who shows interest, don't be shy or turn away. Simply be prepared to share your name and engage in some small talk at all times. Life sometimes just comes to surprise you and ushers you to meet your future soulmate.
4 - Make her take notice of you
Wear clothing and jewelry that entices women and sparks conversations. Leather jackets, jewelry, and tailored suits are excellent places to begin. You could even go so far as to get that tattoo you've always desired.
Anything you can do to change up the way you present yourself will help you attract a whole new wave of female attention.
Already have a special girl in mind? If you’ve finally gotten her to like you a lot check out our best advice on how to get her hungry for sex. (You’ll discover how to get your woman or any woman desperate for you).
5 - Understand Women
Understanding women is an eternal challenge that we all know we must face.
You'll never be able to fully answer this, but if you want to know how to get a girlfriend, you should try to find a few answers.
This isn't all that difficult. Women, like men, desire to be respected. They want to be attractive, but they don't want that to be the only thing people notice about them. They want to be heard and encouraged.
Consider the majority of your emotional needs and then try to imagine how you would feel if you received the attention you want to give a girl.
6 - Place your target
Lock on to your target like a sniper. Your approach now is determined by the situation and location.
If you're in a bar, for example, you could buy her a drink. If you happen to see her in the park during your morning run, you could strike up a conversation about the weather or the great outdoors. If you know her from class, strike up a casual conversation about the class. If you meet her on an online dating site, make an effort to get to know her before asking her out on a real date.
But, regardless of where you are, if you see a woman you like, gather your courage and strike up a conversation with her.
Here are some pointers to help you prepare for these types of situations:
- Practice conversing with women. You could approach a lot of girls before engaging in a conversation with a woman you like. This way, you'll have plenty of practice and won't be nervous.
- Prepare some pick-up lines for yourself. Pick Up Lines are good ways to introduce yourself to a woman you want to meet.
- Prepare some conversation starters. Sometimes the woman you approach isn't very good at small talk, so it's best if you're prepared to take charge of the conversation. Begin by asking her if she's been working on anything exciting recently, or simply how her day went.
7 - Be Honest
Simply be yourself.
Most people associate dating with playing games and presenting yourself as well as possible for as long as possible. Essentially, the goal is to appear flawless until you sleep with them, at which point you can reveal all of your hideous flaws and shortcomings... the ol' "bait and switch."
This approach to dating is unsatisfying, causes a lot of anxiety, and is not the best way to begin a relationship.
I was really focused on looking awesome and suave from the start, having learned and applied a lot of the “pickup artist” stuff myself. It frequently worked at first, and I was able to meet women more frequently than before.
But underneath it all was a creeping sense of anxiety. What if they discovered I'm still this nerdy guy on the inside? How long can I keep the lead?
So, if you're hiding parts of yourself and attempting to appear cooler or different than you are in order to impress her, I'd advise you to drop the act. It will only make the transition to girlfriend more difficult.
Instead, be genuine, authentic, and vulnerable from the start. Be truthful.
That doesn't mean you should tell your first date, "Well, I grew up in an abusive home, and I had an alcohol problem from the age of 16 to 23."
To be honest, I'm not sure if it's completely under control. I occasionally do heinous things that I later come to regret. Let me tell you about them...”
You are not required to spill your guts. Vulnerability and honesty develop over time as you gain trust in the person.
However, there are opportunities to be honest and genuine from the start.
Instead of using a "line" or "script" to ask her out, simply say something like, "I'm having a great time talking to you."I'd like to buy some coffee. Let's get together again.”
I'm being open and vulnerable right now. I'm saying I like her and making it clear what I want.
The strange, gamy things you do in the dating world will not work in a relationship. There is a lot of relationship advice out there that says things like, "If your girlfriend is talking to other guys at a bar, flirt with other women and make out with them in front of her."
“She'll be envious, and she'll change her mind.”
That is a terrible piece of advice!
I've had a good opportunity to see what's psychologically healthy and leads to happiness after training in a doctorate program in psychology and working with people for ten years.
The preceding advice does not.
In fact, the entire allure of the “pickup artist” material is that you can learn the “secrets” to seducing any woman without being vulnerable or risking rejection.
Doesn't that sound good?
However, this is not the foundation of a genuine relationship.
A genuine relationship is founded on truly getting to know another person as they are.
8 - Prepare to approach her
Before approaching her, get rid of any other excuses that are holding you back, such as assuming she won't be interested in you if you've never had a girlfriend.
Such limiting beliefs will get you nowhere.
Here's how to replace some common negative excuses with positive reasons to ACT!
As an example:
“It's pointless talking to her because she won't be interested in me” = "I should go talk to her because she looks bored."
“She's out of my league” = "Do you think she's cool enough to hang out with?"
This will help you approach girls you like with confidence, and you'll naturally develop into an extremely attractive guy to be around.
9 - Understand What Women Look For in a Man
Once you've determined how you believe women think, consider what women want in a man.
This is a natural continuation of the previous step. If women want to feel attractive but not have it dominate their personality, and if they want to be heard and respected, they will seek out a man who can provide them with these feelings.
That includes knowing how to compliment women just enough and figuring out how to ask the right questions to keep them interested.
With a little charm and humor, you'll be doing pretty well in this step.
10 - Obtain the date
So you've already spoken with the woman you'd like to go on a date with. If you felt a connection, tell her you'd like to see her again and ask for her phone number. You could send her a message the same night or the next day if she gives it to you. Simply ask her how she is, and you can become text buddies first.
Then, when you're sure she's at ease, ask her out. You can simply ask her if she is available on this particular day. If you met somewhere random, you could do this via text. You can also do it in person, especially if you see her frequently (e.g. class, gym, etc.).
- Plan the date - The date you choose is determined by the interests of the woman you wish to take out. She would have shared some of her interests with you by this point. Except if you didn't pay attention, you might know everything there is to know about her.
- Don't be too hard on yourself if you get rejected - If a woman is interested in you, she will suggest a different time if she is not available at the time you requested. But if she says no outright, you must respect her wishes. Woo her even more by upping your flirting game. Demonstrate your good intentions.
It's time to approach her now that you're ready. Smile, relax your body language, and approach in a non-confrontational manner, as if you were asking a shelf stacker where the butter is in Walmart.
As you speak to her, make sure your vocal inflection isn't too high and annoying, like when a beggar says "excuse me, can you spare any change???" No one can stand needy requests from strangers, especially "excuse me." That's a huge turn-off right there.
Use a neutral or downward vocal inflection instead. You're in luck if you have a voice like Vin Diesel.
When you're talking to her, keep a smile on your face and lean slightly backwards so you're not in her face. Maintain eye contact with her and explain why you had to stop by to say hello.
A genuine compliment is the best way to accomplish this.
12 - Meeting with Women
Now that you've completed your preparation, it's time to figure out how to meet women and see if you've truly learned anything.
This is a relatively simple step because you probably know where to meet women because you know where women are (everywhere).
You can easily meet women in class or at work, at a bar, a club, or at a party through mutual friends, and in a variety of other settings.
What you need to decide is where you feel most at ease meeting women and how to present yourself in the best light.
13 - Have the date ready
A nice dinner out is always a good idea for a first date. As you eat, you get to know each other and see if there is enough chemistry and connection for you to start dating. You could go out for drinks after dinner in a nearby pub—this is a great way to loosen up your inhibitions and get even closer.
Here are some pointers to help you have a successful date:
- Look sharp - Make the time and effort to clean up after yourself. Brush your teeth, comb your hair, and put on appropriate clothing. On the first date, appearance is very important.
- Take care of your demeanor - Rude men are not invited back for a second date. Listen to what she says and tell stories to keep the conversation going. Be courteous and avoid speaking with your mouth full.
- Compatibility with gauges - A first date usually allows you to determine whether you and your date are compatible. It allows you to determine whether you have enough chemistry to go on a second date. You can't always make someone like you, and you can't always make someone dislike you.
Tell her why you approached her and be as specific as possible. Use the first thing you noticed about her that drew you to her. Perhaps it's her cute smile, her dimples, or the fact that for the first time in a long time, her hair is tied back.
If you meet her as a stranger during the day, say, "Hey, I know this is random, but I just walked past you and thought I had to go back and talk to that girl."
However, if you meet her in a bar, there is no need to bring up the awkwardness. Simply say, "Hello" or "Hi, I saw you across the bar." is sufficient.
15 - Approach the Girl
This can be difficult for guys who suffer from approach anxiety, but it is an important part of how to get a girlfriend, so you must work on it.
Fortunately, figuring out how to approach a girl can be simplified significantly.
Begin by scouting the area. What is she up to? Is she hanging out with friends? Is she looking amused or bored?
Then, choose a time when she is alone or not in the middle of a conversation, and decide whether to approach alone or with a friend if you are too nervous to approach alone.
Finally, approach with as much calm as possible. Try to convey confidence. That will help to smooth over any awkwardness.
16 - In bed, experiment with your chemistry (optional)
There will be sexual tension when there is chemistry. You might not feel it on the first date (though that is possible), but you will eventually, and it will lead you to bed. You must be cautious if she is feeling the same way. Keep an eye on her body language and the hints she gives.
When the time is right, do it. You must be cautious about when and how frequently you do it. You're looking for a girlfriend, not a friend with benefits. It might be best to do it after three or more dates, so you can show her your intentions.
Don't leave before she's awake. Make her breakfast in the morning if you want her to be your girlfriend. Demonstrate to her that you're looking for more than just sex.
Frequent sex equals result in emotional attachment. Sex is an important milestone in a relationship, and bed compatibility is essential. The more frequently you engage in sexual activity that is motivated by passion and attraction, the more likely it is that she will agree to be your girlfriend.
Already have a special girl in mind? If you’ve finally gotten her to like you a lot check out our best advice on how to get her hungry for sex. (You’ll discover how to get your woman or any woman desperate for you).
17 - Tease her.
Teasing is the simplest way for you and a girl you like to create sexual tension. Begin teasing women on a regular basis.
For instance, if a girl says she likes cats, you can respond, "Wait...you're a cat lady?" What is the total number of cats you own? We're not going to work out if it's more than 9.”
She feels euphoric relief in the split second it takes her to realize you're just teasing her (rather than insulting her). That feeling is usually accompanied by laughter and, if you're lucky, a punch on the arm.
The more you tease women and give them that little tension to relief "high," the more they'll become attracted, because fearlessly teasing women sends a subconscious message to them that your genes rock.
It demonstrates to her that you are not afraid of confrontation and that she can rely on you to stand firm in your beliefs and tell the truth. You are a protector, not a pushover.
Opportunities for teasing will arise naturally if you stick to your beliefs and stop pretending to agree with women in order to please them all of the time.
Always be on the lookout for cute or funny things she says or does so you can point them out.
18 - Talk To Girls
We've arrived at a critical stage in learning how to get a girlfriend: talking to girls. This is a huge roadblock for some guys and the source of a lot of their anxiety.
If you want to know how to talk to girls, all you have to do is think of something to say.
Isn't it simple? Yes, it is. Simply use these tips to always have a great line to throw out to start or keep a conversation going.
Tip #1: Strike Up a Conversation With a Girl
Stop worrying about how to start a conversation with a girl and start with conversation starters. These allow you to make a comment or ask a question that really gets a conversation going in the right direction.
These can be extremely adaptable to your personality and situation. Go off the deep end with questions about what someone would do for a living if it were the 1600s, or go off the deep end with questions about what should be free in life but isn't.
You can also go anywhere in between. It's entirely up to you; just have a few options ready.
Tip #2: Understand What To Say To A Girl
Once you're in the conversation, you'll need to know what to say to a girl in order to keep it going.
Well, good news: you're already prepared. You already have topics to discuss with a girl.
You've scouted the area and can make use of your surroundings. You know a little bit about women and can gauge her reactions. You also have conversation starters to help you steer the conversation in a new direction.
Simply listen, respond, make observations, and be ready to change the subject if the conversation becomes stagnant.
Tip #3: Make Her Laugh
Do you have the feeling that something isn't quite clicking? Get her giggling, and she'll be eager to continue the conversation.
But how do you get a girl to laugh? You can begin by keeping a few amusing questions to ask a girl in your pocket.
These, like conversation starters, can be extremely adaptable. You can put pressure on her to be funny by asking her to tell you about her most embarrassing store, or you can get her laughing right away by asking her if she'd rather spend her entire life eating bananas or smelling like bananas.
Tip #4: Pay Her a Compliment
Balance out the hilarity with some compliments for women to show her you're interested.
Don't worry about how to compliment a girl; it's simple. The trick is to make sure the compliment is genuine and not too obvious.
If she describes the type of music or movies she enjoys, tell her she has excellent taste. Alternatively, tell her she's funny and easy to talk to so she knows you're having fun.
You can always mention her beauty later, but start with something more personality-focused.
Tip #5: Know When It's Time to Move On
When it comes to the end of a conversation or a conversation that just won't go anywhere, you must know when to walk away.
Don't cling too late if you're having a great conversation. Give an excuse and get out of there before she gets tired of you.
If you're just not clicking, repeat the process. It's not my fault that we're not getting along. Just try again with another girl.
19 - From dating to girlfriend
Spending time together allows you to learn more about each other and, as a result, increases your relationship points. You get to see all sides of the woman you're dating and determine whether she possesses the qualities you seek. When you spend time together, you will fall in love. It is the result of great conversations, joyful moments and experiences, and, eventually, a sense of security.
Develop self-awareness of your true feelings. Before you officially ask her to be your girlfriend, you should be sure of your feelings for her. Playing with a girl is never cool. If you're just stringing her along for the sake of convenience, but aren't falling in love with her, she shouldn't be your girlfriend. She has the potential to be your best friend.
But if you want to spend every minute with her, if she is the first person you think of when you have a small victory in life, that means you are already in love with her. When you're ready to commit and you know she's ready, go ahead and ask.
Request that she be your girlfriend. If you think there should be a proposal, it all depends on the woman's personality. However, since you are not asking her to marry you, you could do it in a more casual manner.
20 - Concentrate on her for conversation.
Pay attention to her and make her the focus of your conversation. You'll have a plethora of opportunities to tease her, and you'll never run out of conversation topics.
It's no secret that girls prefer men who pay attention to them, so give her what she wants: your ears.
When you put all of your attention on her, you leave much less room for error on your part, and it gives you plenty of opportunities to tease her because she'll hand you material on a silver platter.
Why did you choose this particular table? No, you obviously chose it because you saw me sitting here!
What drew you to the park? Oh, I thought you were rummaging through the bins for food!
Why do you despise dogs? She's obviously a cat lady. Assume she has a total of twelve cats.
When you disagree with something she says or find something she says cute, you can say something like, "I don't think you and I are going to get along," or something to that effect.
She'll leave the conversation thinking, "That guy was so much fun," when all she was doing was bragging about herself. But remember, you can't let her go until you have her phone number!
21 - Get her phone number.
When you feel the conversation has reached a climax, make excuses to leave and get her phone number.
Even if you're in a bar and she's not leaving, it's always a good idea to walk away for a few minutes to join your friends and give her some space so she can rejoin her friends and tell them all about you.
Chances are she'll find you later in the night and you'll be able to take things further.
This is referred to as the push-pull effect. It's always a good idea to take a step back in any new interaction so she doesn't worry you're never going to leave.
To get her phone number simply hand her your phone and tell her you'll text her.
LAST WORD
It was a lot of fun putting together this “how to get a girlfriend” guide. I hope you find it useful and use it to find the girlfriend of your dreams.
Because Rome was not built in a day, if you are serious about getting a girlfriend, you must first establish your priorities, because your primary concern should not be how desperately you need a girlfriend.
No, it does not.
You must dedicate yourself to something far, far more important:
YOU.
Because as soon as you start putting yourself first and stop putting other people on a pedestal, stop allowing people to cross the line with you, and stop caring what other people think, the girls you want will naturally gravitate toward you.
You'll begin to give the impression that you don't need women to make your life complete. You'll take more chances, find approaching and talking to girls less intimidating, and won't be concerned about the consequences.
You'll realize that getting a girlfriend isn't the most important thing in the world; rather, it's an added bonus to your already fantastic life.
Women are drawn to men who have faith in themselves. Who knows what they desire. Who live a life they are proud of and refuse to allow others to dictate their actions and decisions.
None of this necessitates you to become a completely different person.
All it takes is knowing who you are, what you want, and pursuing it.
That's how you get ahead in life and find a girlfriend.
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